"I wanted to kiss you goodnight"

It's crazy to think that it's already been 2 months since Grandma left and so much has happened too. I've actually had this animation drawn out a month ago, but September was pretty hectic and I never finished scanning or coloring them. Aside from that, my family and I have been doing well. It's still surreal to me knowing she's not here anymore though.

This is what it looks like in my sketchbook:

The saying "I wanted to kiss you goodnight" is from a Meg & Dia song that I was listening to, my inspiration for this animation. It's based on my most fond memory of my Grandma.

On August 12th, the day before she died, I just came back from my bible study's camping trip and I went to visit her. It was pretty late, maybe around 6 or 7pm, when I saw her. Although, I could tell she wasn't getting better and she looked more tired than how she was the past two days. I got to tell her about my camping trip and told her I thought of her every day, but her eyes were very droopy and it looked like she wanted to sleep. "Are you tired, Grandma?" No answer. "Grandma, do you want to go to sleep?" No answer. "Grandma, do you want me to leave?" "No" she replied quickly. After that, I stayed with her and held her hand until she started coughing and I had to get my mom and my aunt. That was my last conversation with her, but her response back to me meant the world to me—and that, I will always treasure.

Grandma Betsy

Back in June, I went to Kaiser to pick up my grandma after her blood transfusion was done. She had her sunglasses on and I asked her if she could take them off because she wasn’t outside. When she did, a lot of the nurses kept complimenting how pretty her eyes were and that she shouldn’t hide them. This is what this image is based on.

My Grandma has been suffering from congestive heart failure, in addition to all her other ailments. On August 1st, she collapsed and the medics took her to Kaiser, where she was admitted for several days. My auntie was told by the doctors that two of her heart valves were leaking and her heart was functioning at only 30%. The doctors strongly advised against any surgeries due to her age and existing health condition. After much discussion, they recommended hospice and my mom, uncle, and aunt decided to bring her home. She was kept comfortable with family always by her side.

On August 13th before 7pm, our Lord took her home. It’s still surreal knowing she’s not here, but I praise God that she’s given her life to Christ and that she’s with Him and not suffering anymore. We love and miss you, Grandma. ❤️

“For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.” Lamentations 3:32